Anti-Pet Peeves

Everyone has at least some sort of pet peeve…something that totally
infuriates them, often for no logical reason. I have recently made a
list however, of my top “Anti-pet peeves”. These are things that
happen on occasion that make me feel like unicorns exist and North
Korea isn’t going to destroy the world.


1) Changing lanes without hitting a reflector
This has been a favorite of mine since before I was even able to
drive. When you think about it, it’s totally nonsensical, but I love it.
(After actually looking recently, I realized that it’s actually not too
difficult to miss a 2 by 3 inch rectangle, spaced out at least 2 car
lengths, with 6 inch tires.)


2) Sunny rain
Rain comes from clouds. Clouds block out the sun. How the FUCK can
it be raining so hard, and still be completely sunny?!?!!? Simple
enough.


3) When rappers completely change the phonics of the English
language in order to rhyme 2 words that aren’t even close
Jay-Z has his masters degree in this art. I’ve never understood how
somebody can rhyme the words “Car” and “Tomorrow”. He makes it
work. Another recent example that I heard is (Vince)”Carter” and “
Florida”. ONE OF THOSE ENDS IN A FUCKING VOWEL!


4) When I go out to get food and the person that serves me/hands
me my food is of the same ethnicity as the food I’m about to inhale
It’s like the mascot for the restaurant is there! For example, a
hispanic woman serving me food at Taco Bell, or a black guy giving
me food at KFC. Or, a redneck woman taking my order at Cracker
Barrel. Can’t beat it.


5) When I see two semis close to each other that are carrying
rivaling products
For example, a Publix truck and a Winn Dixie truck next to each
other on the interstate. Or a Bud Light and Coors truck. It may just
be my simple mind, but I always expect them to suddenly switch in
to Transformer Mode and start a bad-ass robot brawl in the middle of
the highway.


There you have it…things that make my day better. I’m pretty
simple to please.
-Dr. Jones