Monday, August 30, 2010

Missed Connections

I was the pleasantly full guy in the green car. I was still enjoying the Burger King double cheeseburger sitting in my stomach. You were the cunt-ass jack-hole in the shitty van. I wanted to conveniently pull forward out of my parking spot instead of annoyingly (not to mention more dangerously!) reversing into potential oncoming traffic. Or an old woman with a walker. Or a small child with a puppy. You get the point. But you were against it. You, madam, said "nay; you will not pull forward. Why, yes...I do see that you're already in your car, in motion and about a quarter of the way out of your spot. Don't worry, I also see the 3 other spots that are just as easy to get in to, directly next to this one. But, because I am a douchebag, I'm going to FUCK YOUR DAY UP!"

(Exact artist's rendering)

My glare didn't seem to stop you. Or phase you in any way. It actually looked like you were dazed off in your own little world, reminiscing about the time when people liked you and you had friends; back before the daddy issues and acne. It was a good thing I noticed that you were an uber-bitch and was able to hit the brakes before you drove through me. I hope you enjoyed your parking spot. I also hope you choked on your salad that you got, along with your apple pie and large coke, because it's "healthy".

Really hoping to see you again!
Dr. Jones

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