Friday, August 13, 2010


This blog seems like it's becoming a letter forum
for things that Dr. Jones and I dislike. Well, in keeping
with that, I'd like to write something to my new next
door neighbor.
Now, I'm out of state now and again, and out of
town pretty often, so when I came home one
weekend to find that new neighbors had moved in,
well, it seemed like the normal turn around for this
house (seriously, new people move in like every 3
months). So, I'll set the scene: this backyard has an
old 1930s car frame, a huge, I believe unusable boat,
a half-pipe, and a bunch of cages. And a dog. So after
skeptically scanning this new neighbor's possessions
I walked back in my house and forgot about them.

That brings us to right about 2am when I'm startled
awake by the sound of COCKAFUCKINGDOODLEDO,
MOTHERFUCKER. A fucking rooster. Who the FUCK
owns a rooster in veritable suburbia!? These people
do. Remember when you were a kid and you had that
little spinner toy that as you spun it it made different
animal sounds? Remember the rooster? It wasn't that
obnoxious, was it? Remember eating Kellogg's corn
flakes and learning that rooster wakes everyone up
all jovially on the farm at the crack of dawn so that
little Billy can go milk the cows, or trim the corn or
some shit? It's all lies. All fucking lies. This rooster
sounds like it's one day away from dying and it's
cockadoodles are more like an asthmatic attempt at
imitating a farm animal.
Oh, and that crack of dawn shit? Yeah, that's a total
fucking lie too. This abomination screams murder at
2am, 5am, 9am, etc. One could guess this is probably
due to the fact that this animal is kept in a cage. In
the middle of a yard. Where our local raccoons and
foxes more than likely come to the edge salivating
for some food. I'd freak-the-fuck out too, but that
doesn't excuse this.
I'm generally a pretty crafty guy when it comes to
telling people I'm pissed off but I've been trying and
trying to figure out a way to let this neighbor know
that this bird is one step away from being my next
dinner. I think I may leave them a note tonight - I'll
let ya know if I do.

No comments:

Post a Comment