Dear trash man,
I, like many sane American citizens, enjoy sleeping. I enjoy it so much that I do it daily. Shocking, I know. Again, like many people, I am usually partaking in this sleep activity in the first few hours of the AM. Mainly, 6:45am. You, however are not sleeping. No sir. You and your monstrosity of a garbage eating robotic death machine on wheels like to come play a fun game of Piss Off the Neighborhood at 6:45am. Fuck you.
What is the purpose of going through to collect trash at such an early time? Why not pick up your treasure trove of disgustingness at a later hour? Perhaps some time in the noon to 4:00pm time frame, when normal American citizens are at work, and not having visions of sugar plums dancing in their heads (who the fuck dreams of sugar plums? What the hell is a sugar plum?!!).
Don't get me wrong, I am unendingly grateful for the under-appreciated job you guys do; without it, our garbage would be collecting in thousands of small piles instead of one gigantic decomposing heap. I just think that it could be done at a later time in the day.
Providing you with a job since 1989,
Dr. Jones
(By the way, this is a sugar plum...I think)
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