Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Rex and the Stair war

   I once had a friend named Rex (his actual name). Rex was pretty nuts. When I say pretty nuts, I mean he regularly ate trash, could throw up on demand, would start fights to see if people would do anything about it, and drew his form of art on just about everything, including himself in tattoo form. Rex wasn't exactly bad off financially, I mean not rich but not poor, but he loved living a true "punk rock" life style - and he did it well.    One day in high school Rex came up to me and decided to try and start a fight. As I sat on some stairs by myself eating a shitty lunch Rex came up and pushed me around, so I pushed back and punched him. We became friends pretty much the next minute. Rex loved to do insane things. Soon after we became friends Rex decided he didn't like the people that sat beneath us on the stairs, on the sides of the stairs, and basically anywhere within his eye shot. These kids were interesting, but not offensive, really. They wore capes, casted spells, played a lot of hacky sack, sat in the rain, danced in the rain, probably loved in the rain and were just a little different (but who in high school wasn't, right?) So what was Rex going to do with his disdain for these creatures? Well he threw milk, chicken nuggets, and general debris in their direction hoping that they would get the point and leave. They didn't. This escalated into basically a gang war at my high school between these bottom of the stoop children, and my rag-tag band of punk-wannabe high stair sitters.

   One day a member of the opposing side decided he'd had enough and retaliated by throwing a chicken nugget back over the ledge where Rex had just decided to dispose of his meal, and this didn't bode well with my group of Sid Viciousi (plural like octopi). The details of what happened next are a bit hazy but Rex may have leaned over the ledge and threw up on some people, or he may have grabbed some trash and thrown it on them. Either way, some kids got doused with some nasty shit.
   Now, as in the professional artist rendering above you can see there were statistically outnumbered somewhere in the range of 500 to 1. So next thing my lucky band of bandits knew we had the entire school descending upon us (not really, but Pokemon, dungeon and dragon and Magic fans are intimidating). I think at this point we devolved into name calling, got broken up by someone, and everyone went to class covered in mustard. Or stomach acid and bits of Lucky Charms, but who's counting?
   Anyway, shortly after that our stair incident the rivalries went quiet, but before we go I'd like to have a caveat about good ol' Rex. One day Rex and I were walking around a scenic district in our town and Rex found a porno mag. After perusing the magazine for a few minutes and realizing it was all old ladies, Rex promptly found a parked car, put it under the windshield wiper, threw up on the magazine and car and walked away..
   Nice kid, that guy.


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