Friday, June 4, 2010

Make Sure Your Pets Are Safe

What would you do in a disaster? You'd run for fucking safety is what. What would your pets do? They'd quiver in the cage that you forgot to unlock as you selfishly ran to save your human life in the immediate crisis. I say this because it seems like no one cares about their pets. Do you know why I know this? Because today I saw an entire pamphlet on what to do with your pet in case an emergency evacuation happened.
Wait, what?
No, yes, you read that correctly, an entire piece of literature devoted to informing one on how to save their animal in a crisis. WHY IS THERE A PAMPHLET FOR THIS?! Earthquake? Grab your fucking dog under your arm and get under a table. Flood? Grab your fucking dog and climb a hill. Tornado? Grab Dorthy and your fucking dog and hide in a shelter. Missile barrage? Grab your fucking dog and use it's laser eyes to shoot down that fucking airborne threat. Julia Roberts? Grab your fucking dog and startle her. Firestorm? Grab your fucking dog and Lassie your way through that shit 'til you're safe. Matrix? Grab your fucking dog, take the blue pill, dissolve the red pill into your dog's water, and trip out.
What I'm trying to say here is this: Yes it's a great idea to inform people on the proper etiquette of rescuing your pet in an evacuation, but if you can't muster the brain capacity to put your tiny dog into a little carrier and safe it from rising waters, or to get your big dog to go somewhere with you, you shouldn't be owning pets.

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