Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Babies vs Sun

 Your baby is going to drown, ma'am.
This morning I was sitting in traffic and I realized that something kind of annoys me. I began to realize this the other day exiting the supermarket but only today did this hateful thought come to a head. So, anyway, I saw this lady the other day leaving the supermarket with a stroller. The moment the stroller hit the sunlight the lady flipped out and ran to the front of it where she began pulling, struggling, I mean with all of her might, panicking to get the sunshade on the stroller over her baby; as if 35 seconds in the sun would have cooked her little potato. This began phase one of my "hating babies when they're outside" rant. Now don't get me wrong, I hate babies constantly, but let's get to phase #2 of this. This morning, sitting in traffic, I see a typical commuter car, ya know, boring, 4 door, blah color, and it had a sunshade stretched across the entire back window, a !!BABY ON BOARD!! sticker, and a sunshade on each window for the back seats. Are you transporting a fucking vampire child? I understand Twilight: Eclipse came out last night but C'MON PARENTS. Let's look at the facts here: 1) Your baby has a natural defense against sunlight: skin. 2) tan is sexy. 3) Don't you want a sexy baby? Talk about early grand children. When I saw this lady flipping shit trying to cover her baby at the supermarket I also witnessed her husband just kind of standing next to her with a "Who fucking cares" look on his face. And I think that's how it should be; your baby will be fine. Shit, my parents put me in an audition for Armageddon when I was a baby, which was sunny as shit, and I'm just peachy. Ok that's a lie, I wasn't a baby in 1998, but if I was, I'd have been on fucking sexy tan ass baby.


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