Friday, June 11, 2010

So I have a very good friend living in Britain right now, and he loves the idea of being British and Britain as a whole; so I enjoy patronizing him constantly about it. I'm never super serious about it, and neither is he, so it usually becomes some funny FaceBook posts that our friends end up giggling about. Well today one of his British hooligan "friends" decided it was time to pay America back for winning that Revolution a while ago. Here's how to actual conversation happened:

My Friend (We'll call him Dennis): Tomorrow's World Cup predictions: Mexico and South Africa is going to be a tight one, but I'm pulling for the hosts. Uruguay to shock France.

Random Dude #1:  I'll say the same.

Desmond: Oh and America over England, you FUCK.

Desmond: And by over, I mean dangling our huge sized American ballsack in their prissy little tea gobbling mouths.

Angry British Guy #1: Hey Dennis. I didn't know you kept company with brain dead, no nothing, uneducated fools. Unfortunately he is the role model for why Americans are so hated around the world. Plenty to say about subjects he knows nothing about, He needs to stick to sucking dick and dribbling cum from his huge big mouth.

[ouch dude, hitting home with those British slams. So I politely replied:]

Desmond: Firstly, sucking dick and dribbling cum are American past times, don't you EVER question our way of life! We're a PROTEIN RICH COUNTRY, MOTHER FUCKER. Sadly, I've never heard of education and have no idea how to be literate; man, you've pegged all Americans there. Also, you're completely right about me knowing nothing about your 'subjects'. I didn't even know soccer was a game until 2 hours ago. I still don't even understand what fUtBoL is. Some kind of fake fairy game, right? Anyway, I hope you have a wundaful Briish day acroos da pund and smile when 'Merica wins the little ball in net session.
(oh and by the way, that last sentence I was typing with your accent. Because you guys have a hilarious accent. I'm seriously jealous, girls love it).

/and end quotation.

Making fun of the British is a daily adventure of mine. It's seriously a lot of fun, try it sometime - you'll feel unrightfully American, and that's a feeling we all can use. And just to bolster said feeling, take a look at this new Dodge commercial and sit back, crack a beer, and blow something up:

But let me be serious for a sec, I barely follow soccer, I think it's a great sport, I just never know when to watch it, but I'll always back our team and I really hope they win. We play Britain first tomorrow which is not going to be a simple game. Let's hope for the best, I'm confident we'll do well: Go 'Murica!

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