Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Adventures In The Mange

Dear mangy cat (letter #2):

Cat, we've been warring for the past two months and, though I've written about your exploits previously, it seems you've given me more room to write. In our last adventure you proved how overwhelmingly dumb you are and, though I fucking hate you, I rescued you from a locked basement. Today you proved just how fucking idiotic you actually are.
After a long work day I came home and sat down to mindlessly wander the internet for a few hours and unwind. Let me set the scene: Where I'm staying right now, there are couches in the shape of an "L". In the middles of these couches is a chest. This chest has a large drawer for shit in the center of it but I've only ever seen it open once...until today. Today I found the drawer gaping wide open as I sat down, so naturally I slammed it shut, sat down, and became useless for a little bit.
Useless, that is, until I felt the chest begin to shake and rattle. I figured maybe my legs were tired and were twitching so I ignored it and continued to read up on Lindsay Lohan..or something. Then it happened again. So, I touched my legs, thinking I was dieing, and became scared when I had no symptoms of death. That is, until I heard a pathetic MREEEOOOOOEEOEOWEWOWOWO :(:(:(:( accompany all the shaking from the chest. I realized quickly that somehow this fucking dumbass feline had put itself inside of this drawer. So, I laughed, left my feet on top of the drawer for a second, and then decided to rescue this fucking animal for a second time.
So here comes the reveal: I pull open the drawer and this animal slowly emerges from behind the drawer, gives out another sickly MREEOOOW and bolted away. I haven't seen the animal since then. I fucking hate this cat.

Note: This isn't the cat, but it might as well be.


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